For Once In My Life

When you love someone, you love all of them.

You got to love everything about them, not just good things but the bad things too.

The things that you find lovable and the things you don't.

Estelle

Valentine's Day

Interesting ….


In life, there are two kinds of people, who fight to get their love back and others who just let their loved one go – not because they don’t have the energy to fight back, it is just because they have lost their faith.

To love someone by love all of them, the good and the bad things, are not easy as what the movie said.

In life, there are a lot of success stories of how people fight back for their love whilst at the same there a lot of unsuccessful stories of how people finally give up to keep their love.

And still the recipe from the success people no always fit with others, because love is un logical, love is about feeling, love is about people, and love is about God’s plan.

Estelle’s quote is the same like marriage vow in Catholic marriage sacrament. By accepting the good and the bad from our partner it means that we accept God’s plan to us because God had made it.

Therefore, when love vanished we must fight it back, fight as hard as we can, and if we still can’t find it – according to the marriage sacrament – we are not allow to run away instead we must live with it because at that time all the forgiveness, all the acceptance of good and bad from our partner will bring love to live again.

Several years ago when I was in my pilgrimage trip, I asked the priest of those concept. I remember I asked him if God do not allow separation then why He create the feeling of fall in love ? What is the purpose of God by doing that ?

And the priest told me that to find the answer, we have to ask God through our prayer, because we are human and only God who knows the answer.

Yesterday, I watched ‘Fire’ – one of Deepa Mehta film – it’s about how a wife sacrifices her desire just because according to her husband, desire is a sin God’s eye and man. Since that she put her desire at the corner and try not to remember it until her sister in law came to her life. Suddenly she feels alive and fall in love to her sister in law. At the end of the film, she decided to leave her husband because she needs to follow her heart.

Comparing Fire and Valentine’s Day .. what is the lesson that I got ? For me love is a mysterious way of how God shows His care to us. We never know why God create those kind of difficulties in keeping the flame of love in the relationship, but one thing that I know for sure, when God let someone feel the joy of love again, it doesn’t mean that God were mean instead at that time God were sending us a gift to feel the beauty of life.

…. My two cents …



Note :

Another thought - For some people, marrying your best friend is a ticket for a happy marriage; because we turn our relationship from someone that we like to someone we love, because we never pretend to be someone else to someone that we like whilst to stranger, it takes time before we become our selves.

A note of Valentine's Day - Dedicated to My Lovely Dogs

On the night of February 14, before I went home, one of my team asked me whether I will have my valentine’s dinner with my husband. I just laughed. Not because I forgot that yesterday was special day for lovers but because the first Valentine’s wishes I got was from my senior high school friends.

We were busy sending valentine’s e-card through our blackberry to each other, saying thank you for them who always be there for us. Friends where we shared our dream, our love story, and our broken hearted, without boundaries.

Remembering those old days made me smile, those days, valentine’s only for couples, not for friends. Roses, chocolate and pinky Teddy Bear were only for lovers not for friends. But since we were grown up people now, we realized that Valentine’s is for everyone, not only for lovers.

Valentine is an annual commemoration which held on February 14, celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. Valentine’s Day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs, Saint Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in  496 AD. It was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery and sending greeting cards (known as ‘valentines’). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Therefore because of the history of Valentine’s, in Indonesia, nowadays there are a lot of Moslem people do not celebrate Valentine. They’re prohibited to celebrate Valentine’s.

Well  ... I don’t want to write my thought about Moslem beliefs in Valentine, in contrary I just want to express my thought of unconditional love of my lovely dogs.

Early in the morning before all the wishes flew through blackberry messenger, my two dogs already expressed their love. Their morning kiss, their lovely eyes, their hug, really made me in heaven.

They never absent to do their morning ritual, they never mad at me, in fact, and they always express their love like people who just fall in love.

My Whitey, she always be at my side, accompany me wherever I go, she never let me go of her side even when I am taking shower, she must sit in front of the bathroom door like a guardian.

My Lady, early in the morning, she always greets me like we haven’t met for ages. Crying like a baby if I didn’t carry her. Even though she’s not like Whitey, accompany me wherever I go, but she also has to sit next to me when I’m watching a television. 

The way they look at me, always make me like in heaven. I  can see their love through their eyes, the unconditional love, like no one else in this world deserves their love. Only me – the only person in this world who deserves their love.

The worst part is we – human – tend to forget that Valentine’s actually is not only for human being but also for our lovely animal, who give us their conditional love. A friend that never let us go, that always care for us that always accept our selves no matter how worst we are. They always be there.

So, back to one of my team’s question .. I will say that I forgot to say Happy Valentine’s to my lovely dogs and I regret that I haven't prepare Valentine's dinner for them.

Happy Valentine's everyone ...

Indonesia .. The “Sin” City

This morning when I heard that Ariel – Indonesian Rock Star – will be on trial, I said to myself, well let us make a bet,  part of me said that the Indonesian court  will sentenced him less than the sentenced they gave to the corruptor number one – you know who – . While the other part said to me that I should be rational, the court will sentenced him at least similar with the corruptor even though I doubt it too.

But since I love Monday was the day where the whole day meeting became the first priority of my calendar, I have forgotten to monitor the verdict through the television at my office, until I read my twitter time line, suddenly I heard the voice of mine,  the voice of the gambler who won the bet, “I won  .. I won .. You lose .. You lose ..”

The verdict as predicted by my other personality really reflected of how Indonesia tried to leave behind the status as ‘Sin City”.

It’s been quite a long time since Indonesia try to built their image as a country where all the porn things to be vanished, where all ‘naked’ things has to be hide somewhere in people’s closet, where free sex is never exist in this country, where the biggest prostitution kampong is a shame.

And they almost claimed their succeed until the famous Indonesia Rock Star personal video of his sexual activities suddenly becomes public consumption.

So can you imagine how shocked they were?  Our Indonesian Leader felt like they’ve been slapped accidentally. They couldn’t understand how the Satan can defeat them,  they felt so envy  that the Indonesian rock star have the courage to recorded himself with a woman, something that they dream of and still there are a lot of people be at his side.

Therefore, when the biggest sensational corruptor – the-you-know-who – were on trial, they told the Angel to shine the judges, so- the-you-know-who-will not be in jail for the rest of his life and his family will not be suffer to pay the penalty.

But not when the Indonesian Rock Star were on trial, they know that it is their time to shown  to all the Satan disciple that Corruptor were better than Porn  things, that the-you-know-who were not degrade the moral of the country whilst the Indonesian Rock Star, who recorded his sexual activity for his own and be stolen, not.

I still don’t understand why The Leader was so naïve that only and through porn, Indonesia will get the status as The Holy City ? Do they know that corruption was the real enemy ? Do they know that corruption were the source of all the disease ? Do they know that we are not blind ? Do they know that people are not stupid ?

Me – the Satan Disciple – can only hold my breath, still trying to find answer behind the odd sentenced given to the Indonesian Rock Star. Wondering the morality of our leader if they valued that corruption is much better compare to individual sexual activity lives ?

 If the leader in this country thought that they can make Indonesia as The Holy City through vanishing the porn aka individual sexual activity, then they may be has forgotten that they actually lives in Indonesia – The Sin City.

Work Hard or Work Smart ?

Working smarter, not harder, is an age-old adage. Once we master the concept then our entire working life will be easier.

Recently I heard people sang the same song to me, “Argh, I have to work long hours, wish I have the luxurious time to go home earlier.”  Or other person told me, “ Well, we have to work hard now, there are lots of things that have to be done.”

Me ? I can’t say much, especially since I also have the same problem with them. There are a lot of things on my plate that have to be done. Sometimes at the end of the day, I felt that I just finish my 10K run, exhausted.

Then I remember, long time ago, when I worked at multi-national company, there’s a time when the company suddenly change the culture from working hard to work smart, from spend your time with your co-worker to spend time with the family, get a life-balancing.

Looking back to the old days and compare to the latest situation which happened to my friends, I just wondering why on earth suddenly they told me that they have to work hard now. What happened with the old days ? The competition at that time as tough as today.  Working hard ? Yes, we do work hard as hell as today, nothing changed. The differences only on how we balance our life, on how we work to get things done on time, on how we try to work effectively.

Therefore, back to the people who sang that song, I just noticed that the problem lay down on how they managed their time. Most of the time, they spend their time to attend the meeting, or sometimes they came late to the meeting and instead of focusing the subject to the topic of the meeting, they just discuss the issue which is not in the list. Sometimes I don’t understand for such a small issue they must held a  meeting ?

Besides that, I also noticed, that when they arrived at the office, after put their belonging they went down to find something to eat for breakfast, spend at minimum 30 minutes to chit-chat; and instead of going home on time, they just went out just for a little chit-chat or spend their happy hour time before going back again to the office to continue their work.

Hence, they complained that they don’t have enough time to spend with their family.

According to Wiki, there are 10 steps to follow, but the most important things is on how we make an outline of our task, differentiate it under  ‘important and critical’ and finally work on it, stick with the list that we have mark on important and critical.

Easy isn’t it ? And because it is so easy, even I am not being able to do that kind of things every day.  Not because I don’t know how to do it but merely because I am not discipline myself to follow the 1^st step, list down my things to do for today.

So, Work Hard or Work Smart ? For me we have to do it both, work smart doesn’t mean that we don’t work hard. In contrary, when we work smart, we work hard to finish the most important and critical things first to be able to work other task done in time.

Today's Kids Will Never Experience

Here are the top 10 things that today’s kids will never experience in 2014 according to Time :


Camera Film, Landline Phones, Real Books, Being Lost, Music Videos on MTV, Walkmans, The Glory Days of Nick at Night, Tan M&Ms, Czechoslovakia, Arnold Schwarzenegger – The Terminator.

When I read those list, my first reaction was those kids don’t have to wait until 2014, even today they have not experienced the Camera Film, Walkmans, The Glory Days of Nick at Night.

Just pick an example of Camera Film, they never experienced how we have to carefully choose to take a picture or how do we have to wait until the film been printed. That for kids, what about the young people, I bet they also never experienced the dark room or the enlarger. They don’t have those kind of luxurious anymore.

What about walkmans ? I remember when I clean up my old things and I found out my first sonny walkman. I can not forget my little daughter reactions, raising her eyebrows and asked me in her curiosity tone before finally she ran out and called her sister to show her invention of “cave man” things.

The Glory Days of Nick at night ? Don’t wait until 2014, even today my kids never ever heard of Bewitched – my favorite TV show – or even The Braddy Bunch. I once found those complete series of Braddy Bunch and show it to my little daughter, and as predicted her reaction like “Euw, it’s so 70’s, come on we are not live in cave man period anymore, why should I watch that movie”.

Do I feel pity for my kids because they never experienced those kinds of things ? Well … not at all, because world is evolving, so do human being. We can not stop the world evolve. We also evolving, compare to our mother, where television evolve from black and white to color.

What I feel when I read the article was how I miss my childhood and how lucky I am because I have the chance to be part of The Glory Days of Nick at Night or The Tan M&Ms or The Camera Film.

Just wondering 10 years from now, what kind of things that future kids will never experienced.

The Voice of the Minority

“Of all our precious freedoms, the most important may be the freedom to worship as we wish… I believe that this is an important test of the separation of church and state as we may see in our lifetime – as important a test – and it is critically important that we get it right.”

“The simple fact is this building is private property, and the owners have a right to use the building as a house of worship. The government has no right whatsoever to deny that right… lost in the heat of the debate has been a basic question – should government attempt to deny private citizens the right to build a house of worship on private property based on their particular religion? That may happen in other countries, but we should never allow it to happen here.”

“As a citizen, and as President, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. And that includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances. This is America. And our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakeable.”

When I head Obama speech I was so envy with American people. They have a leader who bravely stand up and speak for the minority religion in America, even though his speech could decrease his popularity among the Americans.

I can not imagine the same situation will happen in Indonesia, where our President stand up and speak for the minority religion in Indonesia – in this case not Moslem but Christian, Budha, Hindu and the non-believers.

But when I read the protest of the American people regarding Obama endorsed allowing a mosque near ground zero, suddenly I felt pity to moslem people in America.

Live in a country where the majority is Islam and experienced the difficulties as Moslem people in America when it comes to space for pray, I can imagine their feeling, their frustration.

As a Catholic in Indonesia, we can not build the church if the neighborhood did not give us the permission even though we own the land. After the church bombing several years before, our Christmas and Easter mass always guarded with “Pemuda Ansor” – Nahdlatul Ulama “, where they give us protection from other Islam fanatical do their protest.

I know how it feels when every eye stares at me just because I am wearing a short and tank top for my jogging. Not to mention the cocktail gown, I feel like I am a bitch.

Therefore, when I read the news of the protesters in NY City, I said to myself, so this it, wherever you go, if you are minority, you will get the same treatment.

That kind of attitude will end only if every human being realizes that there is a lot of religion out there and it is the right of every human being to choose their religion which fit with their needs.

New Life

“Taking interesting picture every day”, that was the email I receive from my past self. I wrote those statement 3 years ago when I decided to quit from corporation world. I didn’t remember clearly the reason I wrote that statement but one thing that I know, I love photography as much as I love to write as much I love to read.

My 1st acquaintance with photography starts when I was in elementary school. My belated dad introduced me with Henri Cartier Bresson photo. I remember he told me the story of Henri Cartier Bresson, of how powerful a photo itself, about the moment capture through the snapshot.

Start from that day, I was so obsessed with a snapshot aka street photography. I told myself, that one day I will be able to take a picture like Henri Cartier Bresson.

Why Snapshot and why it should be snapshot ? Because snapshot is a photo that is taken in a short moment of opportunity, you don’t have a chance to re-take the moment, once the moment gone then you lose it.

After longing for so many years, finally 1,5 years after my beloved dad passed away, I decided to learn about photography seriously.

Therefore, 2 months ago, I enrolled to a photography course; have new friends, seriously taking picture ... can't say much only "What a new life !"

A new life where finally I feel that I’m on the right track, like am entering my dream world, where there’s no word, only the moment itself. I feel like am in heaven every time I view life from the viewfinder of my camera, no one can stop me.

A life that there’s no sound at all, all silence only the fragment of life, where I can’t freeze the time nor rewind the life. It’s now or never.

Like Henri Cartier Bresson said “Life is once ... Forever”

Religion ? .. Do we need that ?

.. However, if we think deeply, religious faith and the concepts of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness are essentially different. According to Buddhism, when a child is born, he or she has no ideology or religious faith. In a way, we can say that at that time the child is free from any ideology or religious faith. But during that time, the child’s appreciation of and need for human affection is very strong. Without parental affection the child cannot survive. However, the child can survive without religious faith …

…Love, compassion and a sense of forgiveness are, I believe, part of human nature. Faith develops later. With faith one can have a happy life, but without a sense of caring, commitment or responsibility, we cannot be happy or successful ...

Live in a Better Way
Dalai Lama

Reading this book really answer my question of faith, religion and human being. I have been asking the same question of the relation between faiths aka religion and the concept of love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

By looking into the war in Pakistan, Iraq, Israel, Palestina or even the Bali Bombing and Marriot Bombing in Indonesia, where all the idea of that war is based on faith, I wonder whether the cause of that chaos is the concept of the religion itself or the understanding of the disciple of that religion or the human itself.

For such a long time ago, I believe that religion is not all the basis to become a better person, a person who has the compassion, kindness and forgiveness. All of those three come from within ourselves and that is something that we carry on since we came into this world.

Like Dalai Lama stated in his book “Live in a Better Way”, even an animal have the concept of love even though their understanding is very limited, but at least it shows that to know the concept of love we don’t need a religion.

The concept of love, kindness and forgiveness comes from our parents, who introduce the concept, who grow and give meaning to the concept to us when we were a baby.

If that concept comes from religion, then there will be no war, there will be no fight, there will be no terrorism, none, zero. Religion doesn’t have that such kind of terms.

Therefore, religion itself, for me, is like a brake, a stopper, when the angry, the un-forgiveness, come to the surface to replace all the good things of our selves. It depends on us, whether we would like to use the brake or we just run through it.

As Dalai Lama stated in his book, faith or religion, is an addition for us, a human being, to have a happy life, because we let ourselves be friends with us, because we let ourselves enrich our inner self through our compassionate things to others.

So, in that case, do we need religion ?

Well, in my case, I still need God, because I’ve met Him several times through His mystifying way and I need religion as my vehicle to meet my creator.

Circle of the Past

It’s been quite a long time since my last posting. I just felt that I can’t write even though I have a lot of things that I want to put it into words. It seems that it is easier to up date my facebook status instead of share my thought through writing.

During my hiatus period, something strange happened to me, God suddenly sent my old friends from the past to reach me, through His mystifying way, that remind me of my past dream.

So, in my hiatus period, I read a lot of book, I watched people through different lens; I studied everyday life with different angle, and put all of it into words.

I’m not finish yet, but finally I have started it and this time I have made my choice, I won’t let it go, I won’t burry it, I want to rekindle my dream. I want to give a meaning to myself, to my own life. So, one day, when I have a chance to look back at my world, I will remember it with smile.

Long time a go when I was in college, I was dreaming to be a journalist and at that time I became a stringer journalist. As I’ve stated several times, I think that period was the best time of my career at the corporation world.

So, when I have to make a choice to bury and forgotten my dream to be a journalist based on a silly reason, a reason that I also never regret it – since it was my choice – I’ve decided that someday I’ve to find my way back to my dream.

In reality, I’ve never forgotten my dream; I always bring back the memory of that beautiful dream to the surface.

Therefore, when out of nowhere God told me “Here, I show you the way” suddenly my circle of the past came and embrace me.

Circle of the Past, where years ago, I used to live. Circle of the Past, where words are my life. Circle of the Past where the imagination, the black and white color is my friends. Circle of the Past when every single moment has their own story.

Well, I’m still working to make my dream come true, but I think I’m on the right track, back to the old time, where words, people’s faces, culture, life, are my friends.